I'm living in an hourglass. Locked away from the world, with time passing as my only concern. But I think this hourglass is broken. Because time isn't passing. You know I've only been gone a week and half-ish? Feels like I should be coming home. But I won't be for another month. And the sand in the hourglass just won't fall. Everyone outside my hourglass is mocking me for not being a part of real life. But it isn't my fault. It's not my choice.

I think I'll just have to accept that I'm here. And I should try to enjoy it. It's not everyday that a person gets trapped in an hourglass after all.

And on to another thought. Leah, on her blog, was talking about how she is always black and white. I commented on her post that I find that I am always the gray area. And I began type-thinking, on the comment, about how we ended up that way. What was it her past that made her black and white? What made me gray? Could we have somehow gone back and changed it?

Then I hit upon the idea of God. Leah is a firm believer. And all the power to her, I stand in awe of someone with such conviction. I, on the other hand, cannot find God. Not in the church at least. I am...well. Elsewhere. With my own opinions. Or not opinions. This makes me wonder. Does that have anything to do with her black and white and my gray? The difference in our beliefs, I mean? But then. That brings the whole religion thing into play. It is a constant wonder of mine how much faith changes who you are, how much it shapes your foundation. But then it comes to me, could it be your foundations that shape your faith?

And such thoughts usually lead me to: Who the hell am I to question the universe anyhow? I'm just a germ on a speck of a planet in a speck of solar system in one of hundreds of thousands--maybe more--of galaxies. I am nothing, therefore I should question nothing.

But then, it's like fuck the universe and nothingness. I can question whatever I want whenever I want however I want. Right? Isn't that what makes me human? Humanity is questioning, growing, becoming new and learning new things. Then I remind myself that that's we got the world so messed up in the first place. Which brings me back to, if it's people that messed up the world, then why should I keep thinking? Be one less to screw us all over. But I could be one more to save us, comes my next contradiction.

It goes on and on. I'll leave it there though. I suppose it's late, and I'm tired. *sigh*

Goodnight, loves. Goodnight, love. Perhaps you won't forget me while I'm gone. Because, love, I haven't forgotten you.