Say yes to pull the trigger.

HI LEAH!!


So I'm sitting here on the porch looking at a pontoon boat going past. This is where I can get the best view of the lake (besides on the hammock, but there aren't any plugs for my laptop charger there). "The lake" is what we call it, but it's really Lac Courte Orilles. That's French or something for 'lake of the short ears'. There's an Indian tribe that used to live here that cut their earlobes off, which is where the name came from. I suppose I can't say they 'used to live here', because they still kind of do. There's a reservation a few miles east, and I imagine they still have access to the lake, because where we are is the far west part. And this lake is about five miles long.
You wanna know something creepy? There is a dead body lost in this lake. The man drowned on the other side, and they still haven't been able to find him. I am swimming with dead men. That should be a song or something.

Last week, I was in Chicago. I didn't see that much of the city at all, because my cousing got sick. Besides, I've seen Chicago before, so it wasn't that big of a deal. We went directly in to the Museum of Science and Industry. Don't ask me why, but that is the museum hosting Harry Potter: The Exhibition. You guys had all better hope it comes to Colorado, because it's pretty much the coolest thing in the world. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Okay, so I don't really have much of a desire to steal Leah's bullet-point system, but I think today I'm going to have to, I just have so much random stuff to say. Sorry love monkey!

• So bullet system reminds of a Flyleaf song I listened to about fifteen times last night. The song is called Cassie and the part of the song it reminds me of is "Do you believe in God? written on a bullet." Don't ask me why, it just does.
• I am in so much pain right now, you don't even know. I have a killer sunburn on my back, arms, and face. And when I say 'killer', I'm not exaggerating at all. It hurts like a bitch.
• While I was in Chicago, I decided I was going to get a rook peircing. My mom approves, so I'll get it when I come home. A rook, by the way, is a peircing through the cartilage shelf of the ear.
• I'm getting a new phone.
• HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAH AND AMELIA! I HOPE YOU REMAIN FOURTEEN FOREVER.
• I keep wanting to hold somebody's hand. I don't know why. And it isn't a specific somebody, just somebody.
• Black rasberries grow near here, and if they aren't ripe yet, I'm going to have to kill somebody.
• I found an awesome peice of driftwood, and I'm going to keep it.
• I'm going to the Mall of America on Thursday.

I don't have any philosophical thoughts today, I'm sorry. I suppose I will leave you with the promise of tomorrow, and the promise that tomorrow will bring me one day closer to coming home.

I love you, and I hope you still love me too.

Tuesday's With Kyra's Mind 1.0

So Leah posted this survey on her blog, and like the little theif I am, I will fill it out on mine. Minus everything relating to Myspace because I never use it. Aren't I just awesome? I think I'm going to make an annual Tuesday Survey, once or twice a month. You know why? I really enjoy taking these. It makes me feel more connected to myself. I mean, it makes me truly think about who I am, my opinions of things, my existence amongst all you people. I will sometimes do these without actually posting them anywhere. I'll save them as diary entries of sorts. So if I post them on here, I won't be quite so much of a loser. And you guys can see my re-connection to self, or whatever. Anyhow, here goes:

Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
I would imagine that I could if I really wanted to. As of right now, I think it would be easy. But maybe in the future, in social situations, it might be harder not to. Like wine with dinner or such.
How do you feel about big trucks?
Um. Depends on the big truck. Like a big pickup? I've always wanted to drive one of those. A big Hummer like truck? Those are gigantic, air polluting, enormous, pointless, and the result of some sort of egotisical desire to show everybody on the road that you can afford a giant, gas guzzling, rolling, metal box. Or a semi truck? For my opinion on that, read the blog I posted a while ago.
Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My back and my butt. Every chair in this house is uncomfortable.
Do you act more silly or serious?
Well. I act silly a lot. But I can be very good a serious if I have to be, or want to be.
What's your name without the letters a, b, c, x, y, or z?
Kr Mrie Srimgeour
How often do you wear a belt?
Every time I wear jeans, I'm probably wearing a belt.
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Squirt
What is the last thing you got in trouble for with your parents?
That sentence is so gramatically incorrect it makes me shudder. And I don't remember what I got in trouble for.
Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone?
Uh...not that I can think of. I don't really keep secrets about myself. Which is not to say I don't keep other's secrets. I just don't have any myself.
Who was the last person you were in a car with?
My mom, my bro, and my Aunt Joan
Are you wearing a ring, if so who gave it to you?
I'm wearing three. One was a gift to myself from myself, one was from my mom, and one I found in JC Penny and just kept. So I suppose it was a gift from JC Penny.
What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
"This is totally wierd, considering that I've never kissed anyone. And I won't have kissed anyone after this."
That was a lame attempt at making a joke about how I've never kissed anybody.
What show did you last watch?
Bugs Bunny
What was the last meal you ate?
Well...I had a hot pocket. And that was it. So I guess lunch.
Do you give special ringtones to certain people?
I don't even use ringtones. My phone is always on vibrate.
Have you ever seen a 3D movie in theaters?
No, actually.
Where'd you get everything that you're wearing?
As I said, JC Penny, my mom, the Renissance Festival, Party America, the Bahamas (thanks Shelby!), someplace I don't know about, my grandparents, the Hard Rock Cafe, Elitches, and Kohls.
Just so everybody knows, that includes jewelry.
Have you memorized your social security number?
Hahahaha, no.
Would you ever consider having a relationship with your best guy friend?
Well. I don't know. I don't think it would ever actually happen, so I don't imagine that it's something I should have to worry about.
What's your favorite color to wear?
Black. Or other similarly dark colors.
Do you think girls & guys can be friends without anything happening?
I think I'm a living example of how much of a joke that statement is.
Do you like cookies?
Do you NOT like cookies?
If so, fresh baked cookies or hard cookies out of a box?
The only hard cookies I like are those tube ones. Otherwise, always fresh baked.
Have you ever kissed someone in a bathroom?
Well, I've kissed a girl on the cheek in the bathroom. It was one of those, she was crying and I couldn't make her feel better type things. And yes, I do that. So warn me if you don't want me to.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Played Sodoku.
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I highly doubt it.
Believe in love at first sight?
I believe in lust at first sight.
Ever kissed in the rain?
No...but I wish.
Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Uh. Sarah, I think. But only sometimes.
What are you listening to?
The World At Large--Modest Mouse
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
I do. You generally learn and grow as a person when in a relationship. At least from what I've observed.
Where do you wish you were right now?
Pretty much anywhere but here. Chicago. Door County. Minneapolis. Home. Basically, the future.
How many girls do you trust?
A fair few.
How many guys do you trust?
Most of the ones I'm friends with.
Do you curse in front of your parents?
Only on accident, or when I'm describing some sort of very uncomfortable physical condition that I'm in.
At what age do you want to be married?
I don't plan things quite that specifically. I will be married at whatever age it happens at.
Who was your last text from & what did it say?
I dunno. I haven't looked at my phone in a few hours.
What time did you go to sleep last night?
Late. Very very late.
What did you do yesterday?
Wow. This is embarrasing. I watched about four movies. And sat around and played Sodoku. And that's it.
How's your heart lately?
Fine. Nothing for me to be concerned about. It's beating normally, and pumping blood correctly, and the doctor says I don't have a heart murmur or anything.
Have a bruise from the opposite sex?
I have had them in the past. But not currently.
Did you dream of anything last night?
Yeah, but I don't remember it. Which is totally weird.
Ever had your heart broken?
No.
Do you look your age?
People always think I'm older than I am...so I guess not.
What do you want right now?
to go kyaking.
Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
Yeah. I thought I was going to drown. I got caught in the undertow of a wave going back to sea.
How do you feel about girls/guys smoking?
What's specific about it being a guy or a girl? I think it's generally a nasty habit. But I understand it.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Not at all.
What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Checked the sheets, then took a shower.
Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
I'm going to someplace near some island, possibly with my cousin.
Do you miss anyone?
I miss a whole lot of people right now. Pretty much everyone.
Do you ever think about someone and start crying?
Only when I'm trying to use it as a tear trigger...for acting and such.
Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Yes, most definitley. I think it's very rare that I like someone my age.
What did you do this weekend?
I don't remember. Watched a lot of movies, probably.
Whats the last thing you ate?
a cinnamon candy thing

I'm living in an hourglass. Locked away from the world, with time passing as my only concern. But I think this hourglass is broken. Because time isn't passing. You know I've only been gone a week and half-ish? Feels like I should be coming home. But I won't be for another month. And the sand in the hourglass just won't fall. Everyone outside my hourglass is mocking me for not being a part of real life. But it isn't my fault. It's not my choice.

I think I'll just have to accept that I'm here. And I should try to enjoy it. It's not everyday that a person gets trapped in an hourglass after all.

And on to another thought. Leah, on her blog, was talking about how she is always black and white. I commented on her post that I find that I am always the gray area. And I began type-thinking, on the comment, about how we ended up that way. What was it her past that made her black and white? What made me gray? Could we have somehow gone back and changed it?

Then I hit upon the idea of God. Leah is a firm believer. And all the power to her, I stand in awe of someone with such conviction. I, on the other hand, cannot find God. Not in the church at least. I am...well. Elsewhere. With my own opinions. Or not opinions. This makes me wonder. Does that have anything to do with her black and white and my gray? The difference in our beliefs, I mean? But then. That brings the whole religion thing into play. It is a constant wonder of mine how much faith changes who you are, how much it shapes your foundation. But then it comes to me, could it be your foundations that shape your faith?

And such thoughts usually lead me to: Who the hell am I to question the universe anyhow? I'm just a germ on a speck of a planet in a speck of solar system in one of hundreds of thousands--maybe more--of galaxies. I am nothing, therefore I should question nothing.

But then, it's like fuck the universe and nothingness. I can question whatever I want whenever I want however I want. Right? Isn't that what makes me human? Humanity is questioning, growing, becoming new and learning new things. Then I remind myself that that's we got the world so messed up in the first place. Which brings me back to, if it's people that messed up the world, then why should I keep thinking? Be one less to screw us all over. But I could be one more to save us, comes my next contradiction.

It goes on and on. I'll leave it there though. I suppose it's late, and I'm tired. *sigh*

Goodnight, loves. Goodnight, love. Perhaps you won't forget me while I'm gone. Because, love, I haven't forgotten you.

Of Dreams, Metal Music, and Juicy Couture

Ever since I got to the fantastic land of muskies and forests, I've been having this weird sleep thing going on. I don't get to sleep until extraordinarily late, as per usual. However, something unusual has started happening. I have been dreaming. Which sounds all like premnintiony or something, but really it's just odd. I don't dream. But when I do, I have some of the strangest dreams you could possibly imagine. Like, during Seussical, I constantly dreamed about Dave's cummerbund (which, incidentially, he asked me about as a joke, but I really was dreaming about it) eating me, or becoming strange creatures and singing songs about Dave's dyed eyebrows. Not lying.
Anyhow, I had this dream last night. Not the one about the cummerbund. Well, the cummerbund was in it, as has become tradition in my dreams. But it was a different dream. It had all these power metal refrences and that Asain guy from DragonForce was my brother's biological brother, which was cool. He told me to call him Hermie...which I thought was weird while I was dreaming. My brother grew his hair out and started playing metal. Not surprising since he's naturally started doing that screamo voice--though he didn't know it until I told him. But the other parts of the dream (involving newly shaved Chap theatre boys requesting that I marry their mother) was unimportant.
The important part? Hermie--my bro's bro, in the dream--was not such a wierd thing to request to be called. Because I looked the guy up. His name is Herman. No joke.
I was also wearing Juicy Couture throughout the whole thing, which is so unlike me it hurts. Have you ever considered the phrase Juicy Couture? What an oxymoron. And how desperate is it to plaster 'Juicy' all over your ass and boobs? Desperate. Ugh. If anybody ever catches me in Juicy, I permit them to shoot me. My boobs are plenty juicy without having to advertise it. And that sentence probably made my week.

This post is also on my Facebook, for advertising purposes, in case anybody is curious.

Welcome to Hayward.

Hayward, Wisconsin, more specifically. What makes Hayward special? It is home to the world's largest fish-shaped building. Yeah, not lying to you. It's the Fishing Hall of Fame. And hot damn, are there some big fish out there.

Anyhow, this is where I am right this second. In an ice cream shop. With Wi-Fi. I'm actually staying about half and hour away, in the middle of the woods. Well, okay. It's on a lake. But that lake is in the middle of the woods. It's called Lac Courte Orillies, which is a pretty name for a pretty lake. But that's about it. I'm taking pictures for you guys :)

Okay. Now onto something that I came across in a book called The Little Book of Venom. It's a quote from Baudelaire--a French poet. It goes:

"What is art? Prostitution."

I can't quite decide if there's somthing wrong with me that I'm so attracted to quotes involving prostitution, but there it is. Oh well. Anyhow, this is something that I actually thought about for a good half an hour. I think what it means is that, by selling your art, you are selling yourself. I agree with the concept...but not the whole 'prostitution' thing. Because selling yourself in the form of art is good. Selling yourself in the form of prostitution is bad. Well, okay. Worse than bad. But the severity of the crime of prostitution is not my point. Is selling art, which is practically selling the fiber of your being, like prostitution? I don't think so.

Hum. That's all I have today. I probably won't update until Thursday...my apologies. Hope you are all doing well!

The Interstate sucks.

I hate hotel pools--undersized and overchlorinated.

Anyway, I was kind of hoping to make that into some sort of metaphor...but I couldn't think of anything. I suppose I'm a bit braindead after all the highway driving. The thing that sucks about driving on the interstate for looonnnggg stretches is that you don't have room to think. You spend hours on end doing nothing but trying to keep the steering wheel pointing forward without swerving into the other lanes, and maintaining speed. I'm driving along, wishing that I could zone out and start thinking something interesting, but I can't. The only thing I can think about is the road ahead--and let me tell you, it really isn't that interesting of a road. The most interesting part of the drive? Trying to get past a line of five semi trucks.
And another thing. Why are semis called 'semi'? Normal car-trucks are about fifty bazillion times smaller than semis. And they're just called trucks. The semi should be the car-trucks, and the car-trucks should be called semis.
That is my rant.
I don't know when I'll have internet access again.
So you guys have fun with life while I'm gone--perhaps you should text me if you miss me :)

Mary was the type of girl, she always liked to fly.

I haven't updated this in a while. I feel kinda bad...but not really. You might have noticed that I have changed the title of my blog to This is the Life on Mars. If you recognize that song, score one for you. If you don't, it's from Buddha for Mary by 30 Seconds to Mars. I listened to nothing else this weekend--30 Seconds to Mars, that is. I listened to other songs of course. But my favorite of theirs will always be Buddha for Mary. And yes, I'm about to post the song on here. Listen to it before you read on, and I'm sorry it's a bit long. But it's worth the five-ish minutes, I swear.



So I don't know why that strikes me so much. I mean, duh, it's supposed to be striking. It is about rape and not believing in God and all. But stuff like that doesn't usually hit me that hard. Especially when you think about the other kinds of music I listen to...and I won't torture your lovely ears with that. And yet.

SUNDAY I find myself sitting on the very top of the roof of the play structure at the playground by my house. By myself. Trust me, it's a long way up. I can see pretty damn far. And I'm listening to Buddha for Mary. And crying. If you know me at all, you know that crying isn't something I do. Emotion in general isn't something I do. But there it is. Me. Crying. It could have had somthing to do with the gray clouds, or my lonesomeness, or my confusion about a whole lot of things, or the fact that I was twenty feet off the ground.

But what I really think is that the combination of religion, rape, and it being the story of a girl that I somehow relate to that made the tears. I'd really like to discuss this experience with someone willing to give me their ears...and trust. I've got plenty of time for the next month.



Anyhow, that is the story of the blog title change. We'll see how long it lasts before I become too depressed by it.